Why, oh why, oh why-o....

...Why did I never seriously consider Ohio?

Granted my weekend visit with the parentals and the brother is almost over and I'm heading back to NJ, but I won't lie here: I always speak the truth, even if I won't tell you what the truth is, I just won't say it. I'm seriously thinking about Ohio. Granted, it would suck at first. I'd move in with my parents into their basement and I'd live off of their kindness until I found a job and an apartment. But on the other hand, OSU is RIGHT THERE. See? I'm pointing to it. Right now. It's like, right over there! And that means the potential for night classes in some undetermined field of study for me to broaden my as yet fairly limited horizons. They have a graduate program for Theatre, which I could get into if I worked at it, hypothetically.

Cost of living is cheaper here than NJ - barring gas prices, I guess. There's a Single's ward I could hypothetically attend and enjoy. There's a city right over THERE for me to meander and explore. I could, conceivably, move here and figure my life out as well as myself and start actually living for real this time.

But what about my dream? (Whispers the nagging voice, reminiscent of a little boy who just got told that Santa isn't real) What about the stage and the Great White Way and the music and the laughter of the crowds who want me to brighten their day through text and verse? What about the kid who wanted to grow up to be Harrison Ford one day?

Hey, don't laugh: I didn't figure that out until I was a freshman in college!

Now you see where I am? See what I have to deal with? This sucks ass! Why can't I just have a simple decision to make?

The nagging voice returns: That's called growing up, Steve; get used to it. (This time it sounds like Nathan Lane as Max Biallystock...)

Grrr...I hate having to wait to make important decisions! It always makes me doubt myself!!

-S.

Sucks to be Someone...

So my boss got fired today. 'Twas exciting.

I can't legally reveal any information regarding why he no longer works for Sovereign Bank, a subsidiary of Santander, but this largely means that until a replacement for his hours is found, we are a man short and that means more hours for me! W00t! Maybe I won't have to raffle off a kidney after all!

Not that selling an organ on the black - or at least slightly off-white - market was ever a practical option, but it does mean more money to pay back my sister, pay my bills, and save up a bit for the Big Move in May/April.

This is a big deal, y'all. Real big. There's even a small chance that I will be able to apply to be trained as an assistant Head Teller since we already have a woman who would be perfect in the Head Teller position and, frankly, I am not experienced enough to be a Head Teller anywhere. Much less a bank that requires me to sell all manner of devilish financial products for no good reason beyond that we need to keep sales up and retention high.

I'm getting the hours I need! Sucks that it had to be at my boss's expense...

-S.

Impromptu Weekend

It's a day late, but this is a thank-you to all my friends back at SVU. I mean, I really appreciate everything everyone did for me, especially since it was all so last minute. Now, i won't be able to come back until next semester, so I'd like to come back for a concert or a show or something. Not that I don't love visiting with friends and everything, but I'd love to see the choir in action again. And be able to join in for Shenandoah as an Alumnus.

Keep me posted y'all!

-S.

Life Outside my Apartment

So my sister and I had a fight that ended bad.

My Sister and I are heading for a small feud.

My sister and I won't be living together come May. Oh yeah.

Because my sister is now turned into a total bitch!

All that, by the way, is supposed to be hummed to the tune of "An Act of Desperation" from Chicago. I didn't mean to write it that way, but that's how it turned out. Funny, no?

Anyway, I'm not making this crap up. Because she refused to meet with - just meet and be formally introduced to, never mind get to know! - my friend Jared on the grounds that he was my friend and she wants nothing to do with me or my friends - I know! She's a wench, right? - I'm pretty much waiting for her to push my patience just far enough for me to actually have enough grounds to leave and ditch them both with the apartment.

And I don't care any more. I'll admit that she and I got into an argument. I was childish at some points. I should not have yelled. However, I wanted to share something that was important to me with her and she just shut me down for the worst reasons out there. Because of me.

Damn, now I've got Stone Tables playing in my skull....Oh well. Doo do doo do doo, doo, doo, doo....

So come May I'll be moving out and on my own. I don't know if I want to move down south, where the living is cheap and many of my friends still are, up north, where New York is and my dreams of the Theatre, or to the Midwest where my parents and younger brother are. I'm pointed at NYC at the moment. Life, however, may intervene and point me elsewhere.

But! If Alanna pushes me the wrong way again, I will leave and I will apologize to Stephanie for ditching them with the Apartment. I will not abide with a person who hates me. It is not fair to either party and it's not healthy in either case.

Fortunately, I live in NJ, where there's plenty of places to meander and wander with a relatively low cost to myself. Boardwalk here I come!

-S.

Cash-Flow Problems

So Memorial Day Weekend, I said that I would try to make it out again to SVU to see the Opening Show, Songs for a New World. Yeah. That didn't really happen. Not so much.

There are a few things I blame particularly for this misshap:

Sovereign Bank - for not paying me enough nor giving me the hours I need.

the State of New Jersey - for having so many unemployed people that finding a second job is next to impossible through the conventional methods

Myself - for not realizing that the show opened Labor Day Weekend and I had, with Saturday off, a four day weekend and I didn't even realize it.

But mostly I blame the first two because without those I couldn't go down anyway.

So instead, I think I'm going to try going to NY ComiCon in the middle of October with a couple of geeky friends up here. We'll see how that turns out, but here's hoping for the best!

Still need a second job or at least full time hours at the bank...

-S.

Present Tense

So Monday evening greeted me with an email from the director of Doubt that I had auditioned for the week previous. I did not get the part, which was no surprise really. The basic rule of community theatre, as I understand it, is that if you are not part of the typical clique of community theatre-auditioners, you will not get a part purely because you are new. It takes several failed attempts to get a part to actually land one.

On a side note, I've found a new friend here in NJ. It was kind of random, that meet-cute. But he's got this whole circle of friends who are dorky like me and I think I've finally found a new group to hang out with besides my family.

Don't get me wrong; I love my family and I will always place them first in my heart, but sometimes I need my dorkiness to go appreciated as opposed to just kind of lived with.

Here I go! Into a bold new chapter of my life!

-S.

August

So it's been three months since I last wrote and I'm a total moron for not writing earlier. This is me being a moron. See how stupid I look! Wheeeeee!!!

Anyway, nothing too major has happened, except that my parents sold their old house, bought their new house and I did my first audition in nearly three years.

The last is the biggest piece of news yet.

So, I was checking this website for auditions in NJ, looking around for something in the area, and I saw a thing go up for Doubt - which I love! - and I decided to go for it. I seriously doubt - no pun intended, I assure you - that I'll get the part of Father Flynn, simply because I'm only in my 20s and I didn't know the director, but I feel like I totally blew the competition away in my audition. It was open and we performed in front of everyone, which I think was bad form, but the space was very small. Like, 20 seats small. We are talking black bread box space. I think my apartment is larger. Half my apartment is larger! It was ridiculous! But doubt deserves an intimate setting. And you don't get much more intimate than twenty folding chairs in front of a raised dais in a twelve by twenty room with an eight foot ceiling.

Anyway, space aside, the competition was varied, and I think my biggest competitor has me beat on look alone. he actually looks like a middle aged pastor who might or might not be a child molester.

Wow. I just realized what I wrote down. Only in theatre can that be a good thing.

Well, I shall know by Monday evening if I got the part or not. Here's hoping!

-S.